On the eve of D-Day’s 81st anniversary, while the world solemnly remembered the sacrifice of Allied troops who stormed the beaches of Normandy to liberate Europe from fascism, one man decided it was a perfect time for a foreign policy meltdown: former President Donald J. Trump, a.k.a. “Private TinyHands.”
In a late-night social media rant posted from his gold-plated Mar-a-Lago bunker, Trump launched into a tirade against Germany. “They never paid us back for World War II,” he wrote, adding that “maybe we should send them an invoice, with interest!” He went on to call NATO “the worst deal ever made,” and claimed that if he were president during D-Day, the invasion “would have been much, much faster—tremendous speed, believe me.”
The timing and content of the remarks drew immediate backlash. Historians, veterans, and even conservative commentators were quick to point out the staggering ignorance behind the statements. “It’s like watching someone try to rewrite ‘Saving Private Ryan’ with a Sharpie and a hamburger grease-stained napkin,” one historian tweeted.
But the embarrassment didn’t end there.
A few eagle-eyed genealogists and amateur historians dug into Trump’s family tree—and the findings added yet another layer of irony. As it turns out, Trump’s grandfather, Friedrich Trump, was a German immigrant who left Germany to avoid mandatory military service. And while Americans were sacrificing their lives to defeat Hitler’s war machine, the Trump family remained stateside, busy building a real estate fortune and avoiding draft boards.
Notably, Donald Trump himself received multiple draft deferments during the Vietnam War, citing bone spurs—a medical condition his own lawyer once suggested may not have even existed. “It’s a long-standing Trump tradition,” said one late-night comedian. “When the country needs boots on the ground, the Trumps are already halfway to a country club.”
Trump’s comments also drew criticism from German officials, who—perhaps more familiar with 20th-century history than Trump—responded diplomatically but firmly. A spokesperson from Germany’s Foreign Ministry released a statement reading: “We honor and respect the memory of D-Day and the Allied forces. We encourage all global leaders, former and current, to do the same by not tweeting historical revisionism.”
Meanwhile, veterans’ organizations in the U.S. condemned Trump’s remarks as “deeply disrespectful.” One D-Day veteran, 99-year-old Jack Simmons, told reporters: “We didn’t fight Nazis so some draft-dodger decades later could play tough guy from his phone. That’s not what service means.”
Back in the U.S., late-night hosts and political pundits had a field day. “Trump trying to shame Germany on D-Day is like a kid who slept through history class trying to lecture his teacher,” joked one anchor. “Except the kid somehow inherited a nuclear football.”
Trump, for his part, doubled down, insisting he was the “most pro-military president in history,” despite well-documented insults toward fallen soldiers and his repeated attempts to politicize the military. “No one stormed a beach like I would have,” he posted, before segueing into a plug for his latest MAGA hat line: “Storm the Swamp 2024.”
As the world paused to honor the bravery and sacrifice of those who risked everything for freedom on June 6, 1944, Private TinyHands reminded everyone that true courage isn’t about bellicose tweets or self-aggrandizing fantasies—it’s about action, service, and sacrifice.
Unfortunately for Trump, history remembers heroes. Not hashtags.
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